Then some pretty cool stuff happened that rejuvenated me.
I cried. I laughed. I partied. I adventured.
Not in that order, but this all happened in the last week and I needed it. My heart was grieving for myself and I didn't even know it. I was lost in a dense fog of stress, negativity, and worry; the fog was so dense I couldn't even see ahead of me or behind me, I could not even see myself. It sucked and I started to miss things. I started to miss the days when I sat on rooftops, went on crazy drives in the middle of the night, and showing up at friends houses in the middle of the night. I miss it. Somewhere I reasoned and believed that I needed to grow up, be more considerate and responsible. I don't like this. Nope. I am all for those rooftops and crazy nights. I can have it all, so I think I will just go for it. I still worked, just as hard as I do now. I still went to college and studied hard and got good grades. I miss the fun, I miss the friendships, I miss to spontaneity.
I am a night person, I always have been, even when I was young. I have a type of sporadic insomnia and I don't really mind most of the time because it is just part of what makes me who I am. I had some friends who were also night owls when I lived in California. I had one friend who would call me in the middle of the night and ask what I was up to- the answer was almost always nothing. He would ask me if I wanted to come over, I always did. We would sit on his rooftop and drink, talk, and just stargaze. I had another friend who loved to just take off and go places, I was always game. We were both poor and some nights we would sit there and talk about places we wanted to go and he would all of a sudden just starting tearing his couch apart, finding his change jars and we would count our pennies and put it all in the gas tank and just GO, it didn't matter what time it was. We never went to the same place twice. A group of friends and I would sneak into parks after hours and pretend like we were ten, sliding down slides, and swing until it took our breath away. Sometimes friends and I would climb the fence to a public pool and go skinny dipping.
All of those moments are so precious I will never let them go. Even though friendships may have ended, the moments are still alive in my heart.
I haven't done anything like that in awhile. I would walk my dog at night, sure. I would take midnight drives just to drive, but it wasn't the same. In this last week I had some amazing adventures that I feel have healed my spirit.
I decided to take pictures of my adventure until my phone died (and it was near death). I started out by capturing the rock that sings to me outside of my art room window.
I find him an inspiration to my imagination
I love walking at night, and I love swings and slides. So, I walked to this park and the first thing I did was run to the swings and just swing as high and as fast as I could until it took my breath away. There is nothing better than swinging under the stars.
After my swing stilled I slid down a curly slide with my dog. I loved it, I don't think he did though!
I climb everything and I ran around with my dog- he did love this part. When I was thoroughly exhausted I collapsed into the grass and just looked up at the moon and the stars and I relaxed. In that moment I had no worries, no anxiety, no stress, and no sadness. I was captivated by the brilliance of everything around me and I was in love with everything from the sweat on my skin, the smell of the air, the feel of the grass and the silence of the night.
I decided there was one more thing I had to do before I could go home: I had to roll down the small hill this park provided, so I did. It was amazing.
This late night adventure was perfect. I felt a sense of satisfaction, peace, and gratitude as I walked home and I slept peacefully that night.
Last night I had another amazing adventure with friends. My boyfriend and I showed up with some rum and juice to offer and started the night off with a heavy drink. It was on. There was chatting, dancing, drinking, and the Great Chicken Nugget Disaster of 2014. We all sang, acted, danced, crawled, and most importantly we hugged and we laughed. We were loud and we didn't care. The small party didn't stop until morning, right before the sun started coming up.
I needed this and it felt unimaginably good. It was like taking a drink of cold water after having a dry mouth all day- refreshing.
These moments have helped me out and I am grateful. I am so grateful. It has helped heal my spirit and has helped inspire me to push through the fog and keep going. There are things that I cannot help right now, and that is okay because there are things that I can help and I need to concentrate on those things so that I can succeed. I want to be successful in my life and myself. All the way from how I feel physically and emotionally, to my education and career.
I also want to make sure I have these adventures, these moments I can share with friends that I will hold close to my heart.
~Stevi
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