Thats right.
Done.
Well, almost. I finish my second associate degree in a few months and I am excited, but I admit a large portion of my excitement is not registering for another semester, or figuring out classes, and not having to do homework. I have been in school my entire life and I want to be out of school for a little while. Seems reasonable right? I find it terrifying. Why? Because I have yet to realize my final educational goal which is going to school for and receiving my Bachelors degree in Cinematography and Film Production. Part of me feels like a quitter and part of me feels secure in the thought that I am merely taking a deep breath and relaxing, I am in no hurry. Or am I? This internal conflict of mine is really getting on my nerves!
A few months back I started re-looking at colleges I want to attend to complete my bachelors degree and I found some great options, but I realized that I would not be ready to move over the summer to start this new adventure. As much as I love being wild, starting goals, and adventuring, I realized that I also love friends, family, and taking it easy for awhile. So, I contemplated my dilemma. Do I leave quickly or do I stay for a bit longer? I decided to stay because I realized that I have no need to rush. I want to relish my life not run through it and miss small moments. I have a tendency to overload myself and become so busy that I pass up opportunities to celebrate the value of living and I do not want that anymore.
Also, I have two degrees already why not use them right?! I am excited at the thought of financial stability. Due to my education thus far I have the ability to receive some phenomenal job opportunities which will only further my career and life experience. I have the ability to gain an income that allows me to stabilize and work on aspects of my life that have been lacking or set aside so that I can concentrate on my education.
Also, friends. I love them. Five years ago I moved to a place where I knew only my brother and my sister in law. Now I have the pleasure of knowing some of the most amazing people I have ever met and I am grateful to call them my friends. The love I have for my friends is so deep and so vast it is inexplicable. I cannot leave them, it hurts my heart to think about moving to another place and not having them near me. I wish I could pack them all up in a box and just take them with me, but life doesn't work that way.
When the time comes, leaving will be one of the most difficult decisions of my entire life. To tear myself away from the life I have now will nearly break my heart. I can feel the ache just by thinking about it. I am sure I sound dramatic, and that is okay because I am full of so much love that it truly hurts to leave it.
I know about skype, face-time, email, phone calls, etc. I know. But it isn't the same as going out for coffee, giving and receiving hugs, or relaxing in each others company.
I also know that new adventures and relationships await me wherever I go and I look forward to it. But when I go I will look back into the faces of the people I dearly love and I will promise to visit. I will not break that promise, it is too important to let go.
xoxo
~Stevi
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